discharge.

WARNING:  This one’s a bit dark.  Just bear with my discharge of negativity.

“It is the realization that the most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed.” - Steve Biko

The powerful keep their power by making the powerless feel like they’re crazy for wanting the power they deserve.  Any time I’m made to feel like I’m crazy for seeing injustice and speaking out against it, I remind myself that people actually thought it was okay to take away a person’s (a CHILD’s) freedom - human rights violations all across the board - simply because of a physical trait designed for sun adaptation.  And that’s how the powerful kept their power, by psychologically torturing the powerless. 

I stood in front of a mock solitary confinement room at the Apartheid Museum.  They’d put a bucket in there for human waste and empty it once a week.  

There were like 8 showers for 2,000 people in the prison we toured.  The bathrooms were right next to where the prisoners ate, no cover provided.  

Human dignity didn’t exist.  

How can you not hate your body when you’re ridiculed for it’s functions?  When you’re forced to sit in its waste, which  makes you ill?  How can you not kill yourself?  

Most of the time they’d do the deed for you, covering it up like you did it yourself. 

How do these people who did these things live with themselves every day?  They’re likely not there, not really living, not really present in the moment to let the destruction of what they did overwhelm their being.  I’d be interested to see how they numb themselves every day and if it’s predictable.

I just kept walking through these museums, one foot in front of the other.  I’d find myself unable to ignore the intensity of the fear I felt in my chest, radiating through my body like a scream stuck in my throat.  Now, I feel a bit numb.

Sometimes I have these moments where I think if anyone is watching the world from above, seeing all these little human beings interacting with one another, this world bird would be filled with despair at the ways in which humans kill one another over such meaningless difference, all based in fear.  I mean, really, I keep having this thought that it really is that simple.  People are afraid of things they don’t understand, they’re afraid a certain person or group of people is going to violate them in some way, take away their human rights, their privilege, etc., so they rob them of their rights first.  Kill or be killed.  

WHY CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

I know, it’s all so much more complex.  But when I’m filled up with despair like a glass that’s half empty and the frustration is brimming and I’m so sad and afraid this is what I go back to.  

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

May the survivors of these museum honors find solace that there are those of us that recognize their agony.  May you find peace in your own way, in your own time.

It’s that damn black hole again.

And I’m grabbing at a hand outstretched above me, not sure who’s it is, but does it matter?  Because we’re all equal, and above all, we all have the capacity to love.

ubuntu.  

We are who we are because we are. 

Okay, on a lighter note: I’m up early in the morning to finally head to see those fabulous animals.  Nothing like a safari to ground me in environmental existence and remember the world’s natural beauty.  

Now for me.

Okay, so I'm in the midst of my JoBurg experiences.  But here's the itinerary for the past/next few days to keep you all up to date with what I'm doing.  More info to come when I get back to Cape Town.

It's been an emotional few days, but inspirational and thought provoking in so many ways. I feel myself just dumbfounded by the amount I'm learning here that directly relates to my community organizing studies/work.

So what's next for me?

I do not know.  But here's now for me:

Thursday March 17

Visit Sharpeville Memorial

Lunch at Nom’s Kitchen in Sharpville

Dinner at Trump’s Grill House in Nelson Mandela Square

Friday March 18

Visit Chris Hani Bharagwana Hospital, Peri-Natal HIV Unit

Dinner at University of Johannesburg with Director of Internationalization

Saturday March 19

Tour of Johannesburg Prison and the Constitutional Court

Lunch at the Gold Reef City Casino

Apartheid Museum

Dinner at the Balalaika Hotel in Sandton

Sunday March 20

Tour of Hector Pieterson Museum

Visit Nelson Mandela Family Home

Lunch at Wandies in Soweto

Visit Rosebank Flea Market

Monday March 21

Arrive at Kruger National Park (SAFARI!)

Leave for evening game drive

Tuesday March 22

Morning game drive at Kruger

Evening game walk

gone exploring.

We leave for Johannesburg in the am.  I'd love to post an itinerary, but alas I do not have such a thing.  I'll find out tomorrow more.

So I'll be documenting and processing this week long vacation within a vacation as we traverse different museums and do fun exciting things in what's been called the New York City of South Africa (I don't know how true this is, but someone said it).  BUT, it's likely the blogging won't happen until my return so you all will just be bombarded with overdue copy and pasted posts.

We're going on safari the beginning of next week and I'm just all too excited to see those crazy wild animals that are much more stereotypical of Africa.  I want to pet one.  Okay, maybe I'll settle for just looking into its eyes from afar, praying it won't eat me.  Giraffes don't eat humans anyway - can you imagine?  A human being all lumpy in the neck of a giraffe like the cartoons we used to watch as kids when ducks swallowed animals too big to go down?  You can bet if I was stuck in the neck of a giraffe I'd be sticking my arms out in protest, maybe even a visible peace sign.  Ha.

You can tell it's late and I've done too much thinking for one day.  I'll be gone for a week but they'll be a bunch to read when I return.

Gone exploring.

Dunes.

Just to prove that I'm really here, not copying and pasting random Cape Town photos from Flikr and claiming to be abroad in South Africa.  I'm here, and existing where the mountains and the sea come together.

Explored Gordon's Bay today, on the way home from attending a braai in Betty's Bay.  Drove on officially the most beautiful road I've ever felt beneath my tires, coasting the coastline.

It's days like this where I wonder if there's a more beautiful place in the world.  And yet I know there is, differently beautiful countries and oceans and all.

I cannot help but think about the meaning behind it all, the symbols of ocean meeting mountain, waves crashing and building, eroding, shifting something beautiful.  And yet the mountain stands firm, only slightly shifted by the gentle, sometimes fierce, touches of the sea.  Like tickles to feet.

There were dunes, mountains of dunes.  Over time, the land took care of the dunes to establish them as mountain-like features of a landscape so dreamy.  Took me a minute to realize they were made of sand, not rock, hidden under bushes.  What would they feel like to walk on?  Would they mold with my feet, shift under my weight?   A mountain of sand shifts little with two footsteps.  A mountain of rock holds me on its shoulders.

Reconnecting to the earth, it's a start.  Thank you synapses, for firing today.

ummm, title anyone???????

So here I am, days passing.  The moon rises each night, clockwork.

Kathy and Scott are here, providing much insight and reconnection to the world of the UCONN SSW.  Oh how I miss my academic family!  So many emotions - one of sadness knowing my time is just about complete.

The question mark haunts my days and evenings.  I try to hug it, pull it close but yet my soul's in a boxing ring, trying to push the question mark hugger down while the question mark pusher reigns high.  Embracing uncertainty can be extraordinary and useful for eternity.  Yet for me, it's one of the most challenging feats.

My work here has expanded as I dig deeper into work with SJC and the semester back home progresses.  These past few weeks have been a struggle to remain focused and productive.  At one point it felt a challenge to form cohesive thoughts.  I felt badly for anyone trying to converse with me, shallow pool.   And when times of dis-focus envelope me, there's always something hidden below the shallowness that blocks me from the deep end.  And behold, there it was, the nature of my avoidance.

Two lessons have ridden with me these past few weeks:
1.  Life is full of more choices, more visions, than I could have ever imagined.
2.  The way I am is just fine.  The way I nurture myself, the things I like, the things that overwhelm me - it's all good.  I'm not crazy, and I don't need to change anything but instead need to give myself more HUGS!

I knew personal growth would happen here, no matter what South Africa brought me.  But there is no prediction.  Continued surprises and revelations.

Tomorrow I finally step by step incline Table Mountain, the image of Mother Earth that has become a permanent vision in my mind.  I need the nurturance mom, see you tomorrow when I stand on your shoulders.

f*ck you black hole!

Read me.  Play close attention to the city health unit's response.

Recognition of yet another privilege - in the US, there are times I choose to "hold it" when I don't feel there's a clean enough bathroom for me to use, not because I'll die.  Think mainly porta-potties at concerts at the Dodge music theatre in Hartford.

Here, kids 1) have no choice but to use some of the nastiest porta-potties I've ever seen, and 2) it's not a matter of just being grossed out about the condition of the toilets - it's a matter of life and death.

The city health unit blames people for not properly washing their hands and maintaining clean households. How do you keep a "clean" household when the tap you get water in is surrounded by stagnant water that won't drain full of bacteria is forever far away and everything you touch is contaminated by people's poop because the town doesn't maintain toilets and they naturally clog and rats make homes in the land near your house and people rape you when you just need to pee in the middle of the night....

One of the guys I work with here at SJC explained that sometimes the problem feels like a "black hole". And yet this past weekend at our Human Rights training we discussed the importance of healing together in "human rights communities", sharing the pain and discouragement, and celebrating the small victories.

I turn my head to the potential, and the passion community members feel here to participate in the movement for safe places to drink, wash, and relieve themselves.  If we don't believe it can improve, the black hole will suck us in and conquer.  The city health units of the world will win in their racist evaluations of how "those people" in those informal settlements live.

still here.

Just wanted to send out a quick post.  I'm still here.  Still learning, still seeing, still feeling.

And in the end, it's all so so good.

More will come, as the busy-ness settles.  I typed business but then realized that's not what I meant.  Maybe it was, as busy-ness can but business.  Maybe that's why they call it business, because it's usually busy?

Quick ramblings.

I feel each and every one of you with me, even if we have not been in touch over these past few months.  Know there are moments when all of you who read this, yes, you, come into my mind as I see, hear, smell, and feel the feelings of world distances.  Sending hellos and hugs into the universe like messages in a bottle.  Did you feel it?

separation.

I just read:  "Research shows that more than 80% of the poorest of the poor in South Africa never socialise with people from other races."  (Conference Report: The politics of restorative justice in post-conflict South Africa and beyond)

Apartheid is still very much present in South Africa.  But I question, is it necessary to develop partnerships between races and classes to get anything done?  This toilet queue we're holding in April - one of the goals is to recruit more members of the middle class and increase support from people in positions of power.  After all, people must give up some of their privilege in order for the oppressed to increase their stance in society.  But how do we get the privileged to care about things that don't impact them on a daily basis?

The townships are isolated for a reason.  Out of sight, out of mind.  The level of legal and political equality has been increased here, but so much failure in regards to economic  and social equality.  It's interesting to me that in a society that was so far 17 years ago has to choose which rights are the most important to satisfy first.  Which rights will help the society to move forward the fastest and not take too much of the privilege away from the privileged.


There also seems to be huge lack of communication between those that make the decisions and those the decisions impact.  This is why I'm a community organizer.

Not being critical by any means (although this may seem so), but just pondering progress and the hinderance.

roots of the grass.

Another great article, this one discussing the toilet queue protest held last year in March.

The SJC will be holding one this year at the end of April, right before I end my time here.  The planning for it is beginning to begin and I find myself looking forward to the display.   Hoping for triple the amount of people this year.

Feeling thankful for the opportunity to work with such an incredible grassroots organization.  Honestly don't think I could have found a better community organization focused placement here - this is the bare-boned, roots of the grass!

The next few months will be full of networking meetings with other community based organizations and NGOs in and around Khayelitsha.  Community outreach will be done, passing out of fact sheets, recruitment of protest participants.  And I even get to be involved with the strategic planning of the organization which feels super cool and educational.

Excited - work.

read me.

A heartbreaking, yet blatantly truthful article on the toilet situation in Khayelitsha.  I encourage anyone who reads this to read the entire article - it sheds like on a situation many of us take for granted in the States.


According to the research, approximately 128 000 households out of the City’s 884 000 households (14.5%) live in informal settlements. Of these, approximately 37% do not have access to any sanitation system at all. Of those households that do have access, 68% are supplied with one of the four types of bucket sanitation technology, with container toilets supplying two-thirds of these households.

emotional hug.

Been struggling with this sense of going crazy because I've been so emotional these past few week here.  Even been hesitant to write (hence the sporadic nature of posts).

And yet it hit me today, yesterday, recently - the emotion is a good sign.  I shed tears almost every day here, simply recognition of the intensity of what I see.  The poverty, the struggle, the little children, all of the above.  And yet I'm finally feeling things, deeply, for the first time in what feels like forever.

I remember before I embarked on this journey feeling frustrated, stuck, at my inability to feel depth and intensity.  And here I am, scared and critical at the passion.  Gut reaction is to do what I can to make it go away.  Sudden thought: what if I give it space, welcome it home?  After all, passion is what motivates us to act, to behave, to change, to love, to truly live.  So why fight it?

Because it's scary as sh*t.  Feeling like the tears won't stop, worried about the distance to home, freaked out about the images of oppression that replay in the mind.

And yet it's reality.  It's depth, it's what makes life live.  I could walk through this experience with my eyes closed, but I refuse.  I refuse the desensitization that comes as a gut instinct to the horrific.  I see you, I cry, I panic, I want to run away, shut my eyes.  But I keep looking, because there's a lesson there. There's a validation.  There's a recognition that is so desperately deserved by the struggled.

I let it out, I embrace, and I remind myself that emotion is powerful for a reason.  It's all good.  The pain allots for the pleasure, the depth of hope that wouldn't be felt without the emotional training pain gives our feeling sensors.

I hug you, even if you cannot feel it in the moment.

educate me.

Didn't realize how badly I needed academic supervision until I just met with one of the most wonderful social workers in the world.  And who would have known I'd find her at the Western Cape Network on Violence Against Women?  Everything happens for a reason, and when it does.  Feeling infinitely more connected to the social work profession now that things are falling into place with coursework and guidance.

A greater sense of organization and clarity about my work/learning here.  And most importantly, intense excitement!  I am incredibly privileged to be here and interacting with such an amazing population of individuals and communities.

Blessed, privileged for this opportunity.  It just hit me how lucky I am, like I finally decided to answer the door after the month of knocking.  I hear you, I welcome you into my soul home, and invite your education.

with myself.

People jokingly told me that I'd come to Cape Town and fall in love.

What they didn't tell me is that I'd come here and fall in love with myself.

...closer to the sky.

I keep reminding myself it's likely I won't know how much I have changed until I find myself back in the states, feet on previous ground.

I feel opened to things I've never seen inside before.  Wondering what this process will bring, but knowing above all it's growth, like growing taller, closer to the sky.

Maybe that's why there's so much beauty here, or at least in my eyes.  There's the really bad and the really good; the bad brings me tears while the good lifts my eyes to the sky, opening vision.  My vision is clarified as I take the toughness in and out with deep breaths.  The sun rises every morning, sometimes with slight clouds, but it always seems to come through to shine light on the darkness.

I glance above.

food for thought.

Found this in my reading for my class, CORG 5302: Theory and Practice of Social Movements for Community Organizing.  

Adequately touches upon my struggles with lack of internet, etc. despite being confronted with thousands of people who live in shacks just miles away.  Food for thought.  I'm hungry.

Relative Deprivation

The poor are not always the most rebellious people in a society; nor do people always protest during the worst of times.  Rather; people typically become angry an feel that their situation is unjust when there is a significant difference between the conditions of their lives and their expectations.  In other words, people judge the fairness of their social situation and of the society in which they live not against some absolute standard, but relative to the expectations that they’ve come to hold about themselves or their society.  Such relative deprivation may be found among quite comfortably-off and even privileged people.  Relative deprivation may also become widespread when a long period of prosperity is followed by an abrupt economic downturn (the J-curve theory).  When this happens, people cannot quickly or easily adjust their expectations to fit their new situation; instead, they may feel that something is badly wrong with the society in which they live.  
(Source:  The Social Movements Reader, edited by Goodwin, J. & Jasper, J.)

oppression.

Walked around the community today with my new buddy Yozi, finishing up his law degree.  He gave me a nickname in Xhosa so when we go into people’s houses he doesn’t have to say Jessica.  He named me “Nomthandazo” (nun-tun-day-ze) which means “woman of prayer”.  He said it’s not religious, just a nice name.  I like it.

You do not wait to be invited, hesitate, to enter a person’s house.  It is seen as an insult.  For respect, you enter and sit down.  

There are flies, in the double digits, that swarm the houses.  

Women wash their clothes in basins outside, the sand landscape absorbing the water after they dump their wash buckets.  Children’s clothes hang on the lines.   There is one tap for many houses; the average is 30 homes, or about people, to 1 tap.  Toilets are the same.  

It sounds semi-uncivilized.  And yet it is - they have yards designated by makeshift fences.  A woman had planted a garden of cacti in the sand.  Numbers of houses are spray painted on the sides of the homes.  Some doors have locks.

The ground is sand.  Inside the houses are floor coverings, sometimes carpet but most of the time something that looks like linoleum laid over the sand.  You can feel the humps.  The walls are patch work of metal nailed together.  The more “upscale” houses have one sheet of metal instead of a bunch put together.  

Yozi goes in and speaks in Xhosa about the Treatment Action Campaign, the prevalence of AIDS, TB, and rape in Khayelitsha.  I hand the people we visit a pamphlet.  

I learned to say hello in Xhosa today.  A woman smiled as she heard me utter the words.

A child, a young boy, smiled with his whole face when I smiled at him.  The kids stared at me, all the children I saw today, and I wonder how often they have white women in their homes.  They crawl on sandy floors with the flies.  But they smile and live, happy as it seems.

There are power lines that line the street, covering the ground that children walk. 

I must have seen 10 dogs that all looked the same despite their mixed ancestry, lying in the shade looking half dead.  I was afraid to pet them.  A few followed, looking for who knows what.  Food, water?  A kind pat on the head?   People cannot afford to feed their children, let alone adopted animals.  

Overwhelmed, but reminded of the beauty of people and the ability they have to persevere in the face of so much unfair oppression.

wheels.

Some thoughts from the last few days...internet is up and running at the moment, so finally time to post.

2.4.2011

One of the students has made it his goal here to get all the stories he can from locals, of any background.

Last night we heard the wonderful Vernon Rose explain his life to us.  What a phenomenal story.  I felt touched by his soul.

2.5.2011

I’ve obtained a car here, a little Toyota Yaris hatchback.  Drives beautifully, despite the driver’s side being on the right, shifting with my left hand, and remembering not only to drive on the left side of the road but also look the correct ways.  Turning right means glancing ahead to watch for oncoming cars.  Backing up looks over left shoulder, not right.  Just takes practice, already feel like I’m making strides.  Be a pro in no time.  Thanks the driving angels for keeping her and her passengers safe as the learning takes place.

SJC

Here's what I found on the SJC Facebook page.  This is some of what I'll be working on these next few months.  More to come!


The Social Justice Coalition (SJC) is a mass-member based social movement located in Khayelitsha (Cape Town), campaigning for safe communities for all. This is a right ensured to all people in South Africa, but is most deprived to those who live in poor and working class areas.

The SJC have two major campaigns within our broader call for safer communities. 

Many residents of informal settlements find that they are most at risk of being harmed in the process of accessing clean and safe sanitation facilities. Residents are routinely assaulted, robbed, raped and murdered on the often long and arduous journey to a toilet, which is often shared between 75 or more individuals. We are calling for Government to ensure improved delivery, maintenance, monitoring and coordination of sanitation facilities to mitigate this risk. Safer communities begins with clean and safe toilets.

Our second campaign is focused on addressing deficiencies in the Khayelitsha Criminal Justice System. Police often fail to protect residents, and once a crime is committed the justice system very often fails to adequately process the case through the courts. . We are calling for an audit into this system, and for improvements to be made where necessary. We must work to prevent crimes from occurring, but if they take place we must ensure that victims are not denied justice

All of our work is done on the basis that Government has a duty to be accountable, but that residents also have a duty to be active citizens and contribute to the betterment of their communities. Our work is fundamentally based on the rights enshrined to all people in South Africa in our Constitution; most notably those to Safety, dignity, health, Just Administrative Action, and Equality. We acknowledge the importance of not just lobbying for policy changes, but engaging with government, in order to maximize service delivery and the realization of rights.

While our campaign is focused on Khayelitsha, we encourage individuals from across the country to stand with us. Join the SJC today! 

Penguins!

There are no words for how adorable these little creatures are.  I vowed to return before I even left the site of their habit.  Couldn't get enough.

They mate for life.

And in front of strangers apparently.  I thought I was watching National Geographic!

But they snuggle, waddle, and make these fun noises.  Watching them lay down is like watching a kid do a belly flop into a pool.  They swim - watched one trying desperately to get out of the water but the waves kept pushing him down.  Cheers erupted when he finally made it.

I find so much joy in watching animals and viewing the beautiful landscapes of this country.  It has suffered through so much, and continues to suffer, and yet the mountains have stood tall against it all.  The sea kisses the mountains along with the toes of those who pass by afoot.

I'm saddened by the segregation, the economic apartheid that still exists here.  Only certain groups of people can afford to even dream of living amongst these beautiful landscapes.  And yet even from the distance of the many townships, the mountains still remain a sight to be seen and a symbol of strength through trial.


Thank you little penguins, for reminding me of the importance of love.

now now.

A month ago today I left the United States on a journey across the Atlantic.

It's been like a dream so far, a vacation of sight seeing, meeting, and learning.  I've changed in ways I do not yet recognize.  A quarter of my time here has already passed.  It seems like forever ago that I departed snow on the ground and was welcomed here with a bear hug.  And yet the time  has gone so quickly.

Time is an interesting concept.  That silly expression, where does the time go? means more than just commentary on time's speed.  I wonder what the point is in measuring time.  After all, we all grow up, live, love, and move into the universe at our life's end.  So what's the meaning of time?  Is it so we can quantify our lives somehow, love stronger when longer in time?  You can fall in love in an instant, die in a moment.

Time is deception.  The most important is to live NOW, not for tomorrow or yesterday.  But each moment passing as it passes, like a cloud slowly sliding by us, encircling in air, wind, and water.

I breathe now.  Gusts of wind push my hair in different directions, tickling my upper back, below my ear, my neck.  The awning outside the window of this cafe flutters sunlight on the sill.  There's a green butterfly painted on the wall, tribal marks on its wings.  My mouth tastes of vanilla latte.

just now, now now.

Now is won backwards.  Does that mean something?
 

a door.

Lots of new posts on the student blog, check 'em out.

If you look back at some of the earlier entries, Marita has posted a list of student internship sites.  This week we've been going around to all 18 or so of them and it's been quite fascinating.  I look forward to learning from and absorbing the students' experiences.  Talk about networking.

I skype my first class tonight in 40 minutes.  Wish me luck, lets hope this works.

For now, I continue to process the shifts each and every day.  I have to remind myself that I still have so much time here to continue the growth.

A door has been opened, and it will not be closed.

...by this day.

We arrived at the National Baptist Church in Guguletu this morning, a little after 10am.  Pull up in our fancy tour bus, driving by shackles of poverty that jar me to the core.  There are no words.

The people of the church welcome us with open arms, clearing space for us in the front of the church that’s packed full of people, mostly women.  They’re all well dressed and presentable, ready to be spirited.  The church is in full, passionate song as soon as we arrive.  A woman beats a padded drum that fits on her hand like a glove.  The spirit radiates like nothing I’ve ever experience before.

The ceremony is in another language yet I understand almost every word.  We all speak human, human emotion.  I cried through almost the whole thing.  Cleansing, dripping tears that I couldn’t keep up with wiping away.  They just fell to my lips where I tasted their sweetness.  A cleanse I wasn’t expecting, but desperately recognize now that I needed.  I am forever changed by this day.

The Reverend welcomed us with open arms.  The church encouraged us to dance and sing with them, as this was now our home.  Because a house without guests is not a home.  Did they see my lack of pigmentation?  A woman spoke to the church and said it was a privilege to have us with them, to be able to share with us their spirit.  It’s a privilege for me, please know.

I danced.  A woman next to me leans in and says, “Would you like to pray with us?”.  This did not strike me as a religious question - it spoke to my soul, asking if it would like to speak.  The church raised their prayers passionately out loud.  There was no music, no song, but the song of the voices of hope.  Of faith.  Of unwavering belief.  

I closed my eyes to let the sounds fill my body, full of vibration.  And there I was, in this moment, full of radiating life.  

We “toured” the townships after lunch at Vernon’s childhood home.  His mother gave each and every one of us hugs of welcome.  I regret not speaking to her more but cherish the discussion I had with students over delicious food.

I sit in our tour bus, literally looking down upon the children who play by the side of the road and wave to us like we’re celebrities.  I felt immensely uncomfortable riding on the bus like a tourist, come to see how the poor people live.  Yet all I could do was accept that discomfort, give it a hug, and acknowledge that this is just how I’m seeing it for now.  

Talking about and confronting race is uncomfortable.  That’s why so many of us in the states (at least I do) try our best to move off the discussion.  I’ve been trained that when I feel uncomfortable, or let alone guilty, to move away from that feeling any way that I can.  Walk away, plug my ears, distract, etc.  Close my eyes.  It’s so easy to be blind to the struggles when you’re privileged enough to be able to choose where you go and what you hear.  Maybe this is what we need as a society, to be thrown into a place where the discomfort is unavoidable.  Because then the fear and discomfort is accepted after time and inner movement takes place.  Relationships are built, discussions across colors had.

I must acknowledge that I feel incredible discomfort even in writing this.  Because I worry that someone will read it and be offended or upset with what I say.  And this is exactly the reason for the silence of race we so often experience.  It’s all uncomfortable, there’s no solution, so why bother?  Because we wont figure any of it out unless we speak of it.  And yet what I do is welcome criticism, welcome disagreement, simply to jump start the conversation.  I’m so tired of race and racism being a silent, avoidable issue.  I speak softly, and open my ears to those whose voices are just beginning to rise above a whisper.  To anyone who’s been shouting for years, I will hear you now.

I cry now as my fingers hit the letters.  As much as I’d like to say it’s not out of guilt, some of it is.  In time I will move towards acceptance of my privileges and responsibility, but for now the guilt is here just like I’ve been trained to feel when I see those less fortunate.  

I question how people, how families, how children thrive in communities that fail to provide the basic human rights and dignities due to each and every one of us born to this universe.  In Khayelitsha, the place I will be spending the next few months of my work here, there are around 700,000 people that live in a designated black township.  The following is some info provided by my field supervisor, Mandla Majola at a short talk he gave for us today.  We visited the Treatment Action Campaign where he’s spent many years and still remains on the board of directors.  Today, he heads up the Social Justice Campaign, or SJC.

It all began when forced removals from District Six took people from Cape Town as far as possible outside the city as an attempt to keep them from city employment.  The result is a 40 to 60 percent unemployment rate.    

Roughly 10 families share one toilet.  Women are often raped on their way to the toilet at night.  Homes are robbed as their occupants leave their homes to relieve themselves at the group toilet. 

Human dignity is stripped as people are forced to use the fields as their toilets.  What’s the use of “freedom” when there’s no dignity?

There are 2 reported rapes a day in Khayelitsha.  Emphasis on reported, as there are likely more that go silenced.  Areas of the states are likely similar by comparison for rapes as the rates of underreporting continue to be difficult to calculate.  

Two children die a day due to the lack of an adequate, safe water supply.

Screw my week long stomach bug and lack of internet, I live in a beautiful house surrounded by luxuries.  

Experiencing a massive shift in perception.  Feet, ground, where are you?

One foot in front of the other...

The days have flown by.  Some of this week has been a struggle as orientation has consumed the days and evenings in full.  I try to find minutes to breathe and regroup yet feel like I'm failing miserably.  Each and every thing we do together, all 25+ UCONN folk, is fabulous in and of itself.  Combined, it feels a bit overwhelming due to the lack of processing time.  There's so much learning, so much growth, that I already feel dramatically changed in ways I cannot yet recognize.  I sense if I came home today others would see it before I would.  And it's only been 3 weeks.  I haven't even begun field placement yet.  Life changed.

One of the things I struggle most with as the busy days continue is how my complaints (no time to myself, no internet, missing family) are so minute, so selfish-like, compared to folks who cannot put food on the table.  Compared to folks who were enslaved, compared to women who are trafficked, compared to children forced to beg tourists for their parents waiting around the corner.  Yet these thoughts/emotions are so habitual for me, no matter how selfish and victim-ish, that I struggle to throw them away.

I guess I've just always been someone who drains energy when around lots of people all day and recharges with quiet alone time.  Not a bad thing, just a challenge with weeks like this.

Feel selfish even writing this, as this experience is the experience of a lifetime.  But I am human, and the habits are slowly shifting.  And I'd be lying if I wrote differently.

For now, I smile at the mountain.  Take a deep breath, and chat with a student.  All 23 of them are remarkably brilliant, after all.  I look forward to learning from each and every one of them.

Here's our nutty schedule, including what we did this past week.  We're halfway through, about to head to Loch Road house for a Braai (in the US, we call these BBQs).  The students are communally in charge of this one, I look forward to what they come up with.

The breeze sounds out the window, and I feel reminded of why I'm here.
 

University of Connecticut

Cape Town Study Abroad 2011

Orientation Programme

Saturday                    15 January

1:00pm                        Airport  Pick up

1:45pm                        Depart for Loch Rd. Rondebosch and  Malleson Rd. Mowbray

2:15pm                        Arrival and room assignment

3:30pm                        Meeting to go over House Protocols

4:00pm                        Malleson Rd. Pick-up

4:15pm                        Depart Loch Rd. to explore the Rondebosch area

5:30pm                        Return to Loch Rd  and Malleson

Joint Pizza Dinner

7:00pm                        Malleson Rd. Students Return

Sunday                       16 January

9:15am                        Pick up Malleson Rd Students

9:30am                        Official Welcome to Cape Town at Loch Rd.                       

10:30am                      Depart for Rondebosch – Shopping for necessities, ATM’s, etc

12:00noon                   Group Lunch at Nando’s

2:00pm                        Return to Loch Rd.

3:15pm                        Depart for Belville

4:00pm                        Welcome Braai at Vernon and Esme’s

8:00pm                        Depart for Loch Rd

Monday                     17 January

9:15am                        Pick up Malleson Students

9:30am                        Depart Loch Rd. for University of Cape Town

10:00am                      Orientation and Safety and Security Briefing by the International   Academic Programs Office

12:30pm                    Depart for Rondebosch

12:45pm                    Individual lunch

2:00pm                      Depart for downtown

2:30am                      Signal Hill drive

3:45pm                      Return to Malleson and Loch Rd.

7:00pm                      Pick up Malleson Rd Students

7:30pm                      Leave for Wetton

8:00pm                      Dinner at Swingers Jazz club

Tuesday                    18 January

9:00am                       Pick up Malleson Students

9:30am                       Depart for down town

10:00am                     Tour of District Six Museum (Tour Guide Mr. Joe Schaffers)

12:00pm                      Lunch at Charly’s

1:30pm                        Cape Town Walk About (Ben, Vernon, Jessica and Parks)

3:45pm                        Return to Loch Rd

5:00pm                        Security Briefing (Warrant Officer Marilyn Jones)

6:00pm                        Return Malleson Rd Students

Evening                       FREE

Wednesday               19 January  

7:00am                        Pick up Malleson Rd Students

7:15am                        Depart for the Waterfront

9:00am                        Leave for tour of Robben Island

12:30pm                      Individual lunch and afternoon at Waterfront

3:30pm                        Return to Loch Rd.and Malleson

7:00pm                        Pick up Malleson Rd students

7:15pm                        Leave for down town Cape Town

7:30pm                        Dinner at Addis Ethiopian Restaurant

10:00pm                      Return to Loch and Malleson Rds

Thursday                   20 January

9:00am                        Pick up Malleson students

9:30am                        Depart Loch Rd. for down town

10:00am                      Tour of the Slave Lodge (Tour Guide: Lucy Campbell)

12:30pm                      Individual lunch on St. Georges Mall

2:00pm                        Depart for West Lake

3:00pm                        Briefing by the American Consulate

4:30pm                        Return to Loch Rd.

7:00pm                        Pick up Malleson Rd students

7:15pm                        Depart for Wetton

7:30pm                        Dinner at Blue Chip

10:30pm                      Return to Loch Rd

Friday                        21 January

Public Transport exercise

7:00pm                       Communal Dinner @ Loch Rd

Saturday                   22 January

9:45am                       Pick up Malleson Rd students

10:00am                     Leave for Durbanville

11:00am                     Visit Altyd Gedacht Wine Estate

12:30pm                     Leave for Stellenbosch

1:00pm                       Lunch at Moyo’s  African Cuisine at Spier Wine Estate

3:30pm                       Depart for Loch Rd

Evening                     FREE (Optional activity)

Sunday                      23 January

9:30am                       Pick up Malleson  Rd students

9:45am                       Depart Loch Rd. for Gugulethu

10:10am                     Township Faith Experience (Sivuyile Baptist Church) ( Rev. Mtini)

12:30pm                     Group Lunch in Bridgetown

2:00pm                       Depart on Township Tour (Vernon/Mandla Majola)

4:00pm                       Return to Loch and Malleson Rds.

Monday                      24 January

8:00am                        Malleson Rd Pick-up

8:30am                        Depart Loch Rd. on visit to internship sites

Tuesday                     25 January

8:00am                        Malleson Rd Pick-up

8:30am                        Depart Loch Rd. on visit to internship sites

Wednesday               26 January

8:00am                        Malleson Rd Pick-up

8:30am                        Depart Loch Rd on internship visits

Evening                        Start of Marita’s class

Thursday                   27 January - Start of Vernon and Vincent’s classes

Saturday                    29 January

9:00am                        Malleson Rd. Pick up           

9:15am                        Depart for Loch Rd. for trip around the Peninsula

10:00am                      Stop at Camps Bay

10:30am                      Depart for Hout Bay

11:00am                      Hout Bay Walkabout (Craft Market)

11:45am                      Depart for Cape Point

12:45pm                      Lunch at Cape Point

2:00pm                        Exploring Cape Point

3:15pm                        Leave Cape Point for Boulders Beach

4:00pm                        Visit the Penguin Colony

5:15pm                        Return to Loch Rd.           

Sunday                      30 January - Kirstenbosch Gardens: Concert in the park

Monday                     31 January - Start Internships