So here I am, days passing. The moon rises each night, clockwork.
Kathy and Scott are here, providing much insight and reconnection to the world of the UCONN SSW. Oh how I miss my academic family! So many emotions - one of sadness knowing my time is just about complete.
The question mark haunts my days and evenings. I try to hug it, pull it close but yet my soul's in a boxing ring, trying to push the question mark hugger down while the question mark pusher reigns high. Embracing uncertainty can be extraordinary and useful for eternity. Yet for me, it's one of the most challenging feats.
My work here has expanded as I dig deeper into work with SJC and the semester back home progresses. These past few weeks have been a struggle to remain focused and productive. At one point it felt a challenge to form cohesive thoughts. I felt badly for anyone trying to converse with me, shallow pool. And when times of dis-focus envelope me, there's always something hidden below the shallowness that blocks me from the deep end. And behold, there it was, the nature of my avoidance.
Two lessons have ridden with me these past few weeks:
1. Life is full of more choices, more visions, than I could have ever imagined.
2. The way I am is just fine. The way I nurture myself, the things I like, the things that overwhelm me - it's all good. I'm not crazy, and I don't need to change anything but instead need to give myself more HUGS!
I knew personal growth would happen here, no matter what South Africa brought me. But there is no prediction. Continued surprises and revelations.
Tomorrow I finally step by step incline Table Mountain, the image of Mother Earth that has become a permanent vision in my mind. I need the nurturance mom, see you tomorrow when I stand on your shoulders.
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